Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize