fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
