Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The Olympian is in my bed
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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