Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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