you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
What a dumb baby whore.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
