have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
