He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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