i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
