I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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