His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
