You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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