Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
