Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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