No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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