if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
