Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
