I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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