This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you had me at cake vodka
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
