how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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