youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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