i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
