but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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