Don't you send me to vm
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
