Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
