my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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