I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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