I feel like abortions should bother me more
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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