i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
