you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
