A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize