Your face is a jimmy john
Do you still have your period?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My life is pants optional.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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