when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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