Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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