yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
