i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
