i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
