She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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