You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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