what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
There was a lot of him and a little penis
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
