I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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