Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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