Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
