he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
