Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
