Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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