he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
