How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
