6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
