Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
