You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
