R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Its about making memories worth repressing
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
