You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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