sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
