how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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