In the future we'll all be gay
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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