If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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