Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
