is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
