it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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