dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
