at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
