I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
