i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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