how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
