3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
