sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
