i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
