i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
