Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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