Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
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He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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