Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
