we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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