You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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