if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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