If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
