I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
