I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
