My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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