I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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