Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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