third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
